Get
free by changing what you think
by Sandra Turner
One of the great miseries of life is to
be hooked emotionally to someone who causes you nothing but heartache
and disappointment. For some that may be a former spouse. It
may be some person with an addiction whom you have tried to help.
It may be a member of your family. It may be someone you've considered
marrying.
That emotional hook can become a mental and emotional obsession
where that person consumes your thoughts and draws you further
and further into misery and depression. It becomes a kind of
soulish disease that modern therapists call "co-dependency."
As a born again Christian, recognize that Jesus Christ came not
only to set you free from sin and sickness, but from anything
that would steal your peace and your contentment.
An emotional hook is a stronghold that you build in your mind
through imaginings. One of the first things you must do to get
off that hook is to recognize that it is wrong and that it is
in fact idolatry because you are giving first place in your thoughts
and your life to something other than God - regardless of how
good your intentions were to begin with.
God requires that you put Him first, and anything else is sin.
To get off of an emotional hook, you must recognize its existence
and you must want to be free. You must repent and ask God to
forgive you and to help you get free. And mean it.
When you've repented, you're going to have to resist that mental
drawing. You will be continually tempted to think those old thoughts,
but you must resist them. Learn to use the Word of God to fight
that temptation.
Instead of thinking the old thoughts, quote the Word and say,
"Jesus is Lord over my thoughts and my feelings."
Memorize II Cor. 10:4 and quote it hundreds of times a day if
you have to.
Yes, it takes work and energy, but do you want peace and freedom
or not?
A final step is to avoid making yourself vulnerable to that person
again. Remove yourself physically if you can. Be honest. Just
say, "This relationship is not good for me. It's hurting
me, not helping me."
Don't ever marry someone who causes you
emotional distress or depression. Things will only get worse,
not better.
If you cannot distance yourself physically from the person, you
must learn how to distance yourself emotionally. This doesn't
mean that you stop caring about that person. It means that you
learn a technique called detachment where you can deal with that
person compassionately but without losing your emotional control.
Talking with a mature Christian who understands the nature of
addiction and recovery may help you to see the situation more
clearly and take the action you need to take.
Amazingly some people repeat the same relationshp patterns over
and over again. Getting out of one addictive relationship into
another. You may need help to see what you are doing and how
to stop.
Al-Anon and other 12-step programs will give you the tools you
need to cope and to begin to get free and stay free.
An excellent booklet on detachment is available from the Johnson
Institute, 10700 Olson Memorial Highway, Minneapolis, MN 55441.
Copyright© 2003 by Sandra
S. Turner.
|